Fear

It is dark outside. I am in the passengers seat driving 85 Miles an hour on a road where wildlife is fleeting and the only lights are the ones emitted from the derriere’s of fairy-like fire flies. I am scared. “Stop being so frightened! Tame your imagination” says the person in the drivers seat. The words echo in my head as I find my body tensing in preparation for the fight or flight response. My eyes dart from one side of the road to the other and my mind is trying desperately to grasp onto sanity and composure. Before I know it, another sign of light appears. As it cracks across the dark sky, my pulse only quickens and my thoughts race as fast as the car. “Calm down” says the better part of my mind. “She knows what she is doing. She has been driving on these roads for three years now. Moreover, I have sat in this passengers seat for over 22 years and we have never had an accident. Trust and faith”. “But she did have a glass of wine. Maybe she is not as alert as usual. What if an animal leaps out form the side of the road? A rabbit, a rodent, a dear, a monster! And what if we skid and crash, or skid, topple over and then crash, or skid, crash, topple over and fall into a ravine with snakes and jagged deadly rocks, isolated with no one to come to out rescue, while a storm rages over are heads and lightening strikes the care setting it on fire, and the winds build and form a gigantic tornado ready to engulf us and everything we ever knew...”

So I would like to pause here and first say that Ohio is as flat as a pancake. There are no ravines, or monsters for that matter. As a matter of fact there is very little out here that could be harmful. So why does my mind race and come to such terrifying and extraordinary conclusions and scenarios? Fear is an interesting thing that I have a hard time understanding and controlling. As much as I try and rationalize a situation, using scientific, rational or spiritual thought processes, there is part of my mind that somehow is too overwhelmed to function properly and cannot flick the switch from fantasy into reality. I have become better at acknowledging the building fear and controlling it before it gets out of control. But sometimes it takes over and plays tricks and sometimes is all encompassing to the point where I become ridiculous. I hope it gets better with time…